The escape of Heyriel (bio – prequel) v.2

Notes :

Last Updated : 2018/03/01 : Fixed some errors and small action things that didn’t make sense to me. (Also, changed her name : from Zerieth, to Heyriel).

2015/01/25 : Added a bit more dialogue for more…hum..details ? As always, I am open for mature comments. So don’t hesitate ! 🙂

Created : 16/12/2014

Heyriel is a Wyldaeren. An original species (looks like some kind of cat-like folks / elf) I have created. This is her bio / prequel, before the real story happens (that I will write in French entirely). The story itself will be fantasy with maybe another genre mixed in (I haven’t decided yet).
Wyrdaenia is the name of the planet they inhabit. I haven’t situated Heyriel’s alignment, yet… “good”or “bad”. You get to pick that for yourself, for now. 😉

This, here, is the newer version of Heyriel’s bio (Here is the old version : Old : “The Escape of Zerieth”  ). I actually had it written a few weeks ago, but I wanted to make sure after rereading it, it was ok for uploading (also I’ve been unsurprisingly sucked into WoW…). The text is totally different from the first story, so do not search for similarities, as almost only the end remains the same (no surprise, here). I hope it’s much better as I’ve actually tried to paragraph correctly, add more action and more dialogue. I also tried not to spend too much lines on explaining things of her life, and instead, tried to suggest it. I hope I didn’t screw up. (This description was on DeviantART, I just copy pasted it, lol)

Also, since I need to grow as an artist / writer, critiques and comments are always welcome !
Just please note that :
-English is NOT my first langage, so the text is prone to have many errors in it.
-I won’t tolerate flaming, trolling or otherwise pointless bitchy comments.
-Please be mature and polite in your critique.
-Tell me what you liked and what you didn’t like and WHY.

Zerieth and all world concept (c) Aurore “MetalFeline” Ciholas.
Do NOT use, copy, redistribute, edit, sell, etc…in any way, shape or form. Thank you !

——-

Heyriel sat in the corridor. That moron deserved what he had. She broke his nose. She would have done much worse, had the teachers not stopped her in the middle of the fight. The supervisor was now eyeing her as if she was the most dangerous criminal of the country. He really had nothing else to do except bothering her with his insisting looks, it seemed. She’s been bullied for not dressing and acting like the others. If she had any doubts she was different, now they were evaporated. She wore clothes resembling those of the Great East, with some feathers in her hair. She was half-blood from two very different cultures. She felt unwanted. They’ve called her father to come. He never took “care” of her anyway. He was never here most of the time, and she was doing what she wanted. When he was here, however…

She nervously bit her lip, and flicked her tail, waiting for the incoming storm of scornful rage her father would bring down on her. Ever since her mother left, dropping her in front of his house, he didn’t care and constantly redirected any aggression towards her.

The door banged open, and he entered, his broad figure almost obliterating the light. She had inherited his physical strength. He passed her by, and turned his head only to look down on her. Not good enough. She knew what he was thinking, and she had enough. She rolled her eyes and he called her name to enter the director’s office. She entered, sat and sank in the chair, crossing her arms, her legs, and sighed.

The director sat and bent over his desk, searching for her eyes. She briefly looked at him.

-“Very well. I suppose you know why you are here. You punched someone in the face. You know the consequences are being punished by some hours of detention.”

She turned her head sideways and grimaced. He tilted his. Her father hit her head.

-“The man is talking to you !” He exclaimed. “Answer…” He growled.

She swiftly turned her head back at the director.

-“That guy had what he deserved.” She said curtly. “There is no way I’m having…punishment”. She curled her lips in a growl.

Her father looked at the director.

-“I will take care of her punishment, myself.” He said in an eerily calm voice. The director nodded in agreement and swiftly spoke again :

-“Also you must know that your daughter used several magic spells while into the school to intimidate other students.”

Her father’s eyes grew wide. He glowered at her.

-“Fine.” He pinched his lips, and rose to shake the director’s hand.

Heyriel did the same, following him out of the office. They both walked for a moment, when her father’s voice broke the silence.

-“Magic, seriously ?! What did you have in mind ?” He rose his arms up to the sky. “I forbade you ! The law forbids it, even ! Not to mention that no one will want a woman who…”

-“Fine ! No one ever wanted me around anyway, most don’t even make the “effort” of knowing me.” She snapped, cutting him short.

-“Stop that. Stop talking to me like this ! The director may have decided not to kick you out of school, but I will keep you home. You will adjust to this culture…And you will stop looking down on people !” He snarled, yanking her by the arm and shaking her. She lowered her ears and squirmed from his grip.

-“And especially on you, right ?” She narrowed her eyes. “No wonder why she left then.” She hissed.

He slapped her, and her red hair flew in front of her face. She glowered through it.

-“You will obey and close your mouth ! Know your place !” He bellowed.

-“There is no way I’m staying home !” She protested, waging her tail in frustration. “You’re never here anyway…” She jeered between her teeth.

-“Now I will be.” He asserted.

-“I am nearly an adult ! What do you think you’re imposing me ?” She hissed.

-“You need to be taught…” He started, but she cut him short.

-“Don’t tell me what I need.” She snarled. “Nothing coming from you will ever…school taught me so much more !”

-“Did it tell you how to behave ? How to be good ?” Now he jeered back to her.

-“Good as in being an obedient and submissive woman who never has a right to anything, anyway ?” She gritted her teeth and glowered at him.

He shook is head, looking down on her and taking a falsely caring tone.

-“You’re such a misfit…a cultural abomination. You are my biggest mistake. My biggest…shame. Damn it Heyriel. Even your mother had more class…and she left me with the burden that you are.” He looked at her straight in the eyes, a disgusted expression lingering on his face.

Her eyes grew wide and she fell silent for a few seconds. Somehow she was shocked. He said and did horrible things in the past to her, but he never said something like that, not until now at least. Even tough she never expected anything else from him. But it hurt her pride enough that she felt devastated. He saw her expression, and in a quick gesture, he seized her arm, teleporting themselves directly into the house. They appeared in front of her room. She squirmed violently, shaking her head.

-“It was your mistake ! And she left because you are a fucking bastard !” She eventually yelled, suddenly realizing what was happening.

-“Stay here.” He pushed her into the room. She almost fell over, and quickly turned back to face him.

-“No way !” She roared. “You don’t even care, and now you think you can do this to me ?” She curled her lips. She lunged forward in an attempt to escape, but her father caught her into a firm grip. She felt heat forming in her hands.

-“Since you are unable to calm down, you will stay here, until I decide whether you can go out.” He pinched his lips, talking in a firm, stern tone, pushing her yet closer to her room. “And this could take months.”

-“Because of who do you think I can’t calm down ?” She growled. He frantically pushed her in, slamming the door shut, locking her in.

She stared at it, bewildered and angry, eyes wide, breath itching in her lungs, nearly gasping for air. She cursed under her breath, before eventually screaming it out loud. If no one wanted her, then she would be gone…for good. Today has been too much for her. The heat in her hands was growing stronger and she would not even try to repress it this time, as with every other time she did, when she was upset. Her magic training was far from complete and she knew it, but didn’t care anymore. She got up and lashed out a fire spell at her door, burning it down to ashes at her first try.

Her father spun around, only to see raging flames, already eating at the wooden structure. He stopped for a mere second in both amazement and terror.

Heyriel lunged past him as fast as she could manage, and taunted him. She smirked and shook her head. Her father’s expression switched back to anger and then rage, and he lunged after her. But she was fast, and managed to launch a few fire spells into the house before finding herself outside, at last. The fire growing wild with her rage had been forming a thick smoke and she could tell that her father was disoriented by it. She continued to bend the flames at her will until she heard him bellowing and cursing at her as he was making his way out of the house as well, in a rather blind and hurried fashion, tripping on things he couldn’t see.

She carried on running until she could jump behind a bush. She crouched. She was free, at last. She stood here, out of breath, looking at the flames which had been taking gigantic proportions, now. It fascinated her and she had her eyes wide open, as if she was afraid to miss anything. The fear started to dissipate. He would not lock her up or hurt her, now, no longer. She listened to his bellows. She smirked. He deserved it. She rose after a few minutes, giving a last look on the ashes that this “home” had become, contemplating her job, her smirk eventually growing up into a full grin.

Then she looked around, thinking of all the things there was still to do and the world to explore. She then turned her heels and jumped in the opposite direction, towards the forest.

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One thought on “The escape of Heyriel (bio – prequel) v.2

  1. Pingback: OLD_The escape of Zerieth (bio – prequel) | MetalFeline

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